Percy Jackson, What If
by ForestCat21
Summary: If you're a Harry Potter fan, then you might have read the legendary Harry Does Different. While I'm not joemjackson, I'm trying the idea out on Percy Jackson. This is just one-shots on how things could have been different in the world of Percy Jackson. Please don't take this seriously, I'm just messing around. (Cover art belongs to Burdge from Deviantart)
1. Unfriended

**_Hey guys, gals and non-binary pals! I'm here with something different for you. This is the first of many one-shots that were born out of completely craziness and boredom. Usually, I come up with it when talking to someone else, so I'll give credit or a shout out. Today's shout out goes to my little brother who asked me when he was first reading the books a couple months again on why didn't Percy unfriend everyone once he heard the prophecy. If he had no friends then no one can betray him, right? Well I hope you enjoy this and feel free to suggest something else. I love writing this._**

* * *

_You shall go west, and face the god who has turned._

_You shall find what was stolen and see it safely returned._

_You shall be betrayed by one who calls you a friend. _

_And you fail to save what matters most in the end._

Chiron's and Grover's gaze was burning into Percy. Percy didn't want to confess, he didn't want to disappoint them. Why start a quest you were destined to fail?

But he didn't want to lie to them. So he told them the last two lines.

Chiron looked sad as if he already knew what was going to happen. It was obvious he was focused on the last line.

But Grover, wonderful awesome Grover, was thinking about the second the last line, saying rapidly. "I wouldn't you betray you, Percy...or what if I already did? What if the betrayal was not getting to camp earlier or not saving your- I'm sorry! I'm such a horrible satyr! A horrible friend!"

"Don't worry, Grover, you're a great friend! I know you wouldn't betray me, it would have to be someone else." Percy tries to soothe Grover.

Percy didn't want to lose Grover or anyone. It's been long since he had a friend, especially someone who called him a friend. Most of the time, he would scare them away through the strange occurrences or by putting his foot in his mouth.

Then it hit him. "Grover, Chiron, wait a second. If I have no friends, then no one can betray me." Percy says in amazement.

"Percy, I don't think that's how it w-" Chiron tries to say but Percy cuts him off by standing up, poking his head out the door and yelling.

"HEY CAMP HALF-BLOOD. A FRIEND IS DESTINED TO BETRAY ME SO I AM UNFRIENDING EVERYONE WHO EVEN HAD THE SLIGHTEST THOUGHT OF BEING MY FRIEND!"

Confused, kids from various places around camp start looking towards the Big House. Some of them amused, others annoyed. And it's only going to get worse from there. Percy is starting to name people.

"SORRY GROVER, BUT YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE! CAN'T RISK IT. ANNABETH I KNOW YOU HATE ME, BUT JUST TO BE SAFE, I'M UNFRIENDING YOU. RIVALS WORK THOUGH"

"HERMES CABIN WHILE YOU GUYS BEEN OKAY, EVERYONE IS BEING UNFRIENDED. LUKE, CONNER, TRAVIS, THAT MEANS YOU TOO. NONE OF YOU ARE MY FRIENDS ANYMORE!"

"CLARISSE AND ARES CABIN. NOT THAT IT'S POSSIBLE, BUT ALL OF YOU ARE NOT EVER TO BE MY FRIENDS. THANK YOU!"

"APOLLO CABIN, SORRY, NOT BEING YOUR FRIEND! SAME FOR APHRODITE AND ATHENA THOUGH ATHENA HATES ME ANYWAYS SO NO CHANCE THERE!"

"CASTOR AND POLLUX, NOT MY FRIENDS EITHER. HEPHAESTUS KIDS, SORRY NOPE!"

"DEMETER CABINS AREN'T MY FRIENDS EITHER, SORRY NOT SORRY KATIE."

Percy pauses to breath. "AM I MISSING ANYONE? WELL JUST IN CASE, THE REST OF YOU AREN'T MY FRIEND EIT-"

Finally, someone thinks to cover Percy's mouth, Annabeth just shoves him back into his chair and tells him. "That was a stupid move, Seaweed Brain. But I admit, it somewhat makes sense in a seaweed brain way."

Chiron actually sighs and says. "Calm down kids. Now that the damage has been done, how about you get your supplies and start your quest before the other campers or their godly parents get angry."

* * *

Once the golden tri- Sorry, wrong fandom. Once the three not-friends start their quest, a certain Hermes kid is visited by a certain Titan.

"Did you ensure that the bolt would get to me?" The Titan asks in a threatening tone that promised death and other severe punishments if told otherwise.

"Sorry, sir. But I can't" Luke answers while bowing low. Percy was smart. After the stunt he pulled, Luke has a hard time betraying his not-friend.

"WHY NOT?!" Kronos booms, sounding like his son for a second. Don't tell anyone Luke thought that.

"Because the oracle foretold that he'll be betrayed by a friend. Percy unfriended everyone at camp, even named many people including me. Since I'm no longer his friend, I can't betray him." Luke explains.

Kronos is furious but even he can't argue such logic. "Very well, surely that boy has some friends. I'll use a mortal if I have to…"

"I'm pretty sure he unfriended everyone he knows." Luke hesitantly says.

A few minutes of a lot of ancient greek swearing and Titan raging, there's an unexplainable hole where Percy once slept in the Hermes Cabin. Luke has absolutely no idea how it got there, none at all.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. As I said, feel free to give suggestions or review. Constructive criticism is always appreciate. Have a nice day/night!**


	2. Never-ending Wishes

**Hey guys, gals and non-binary pals, thank you so much for everyone who fav, followed or reviews! It really means a lot to me especially that fact that many of y'all found this funny. I do try. Anyways, this is a classic, you see the wish for wishes joke everywhere. But hey, I wanted to see it actually work so here you are. Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy!**

* * *

_"In the name of the Council, we swear by the River Styx to grant your reasonable request as long as it is within our power."_

Unfortunately, in this story, Zeus in all of infinite wisdom forget to add one word. Reasonable. So now, Percy has free rein.

"First, I'll like to request that you'll grant me 100 request, one of which will be for each of you gods/goddesses to swear that you won't ever try to kill me or succeed in killing me in any way, directly or indirectly without my permission." Percy starts off, after all, it's go big or go home.

"WHAT?!" Zeus cries, standing up from his throne in sudden anger, ready to smite this arrogant mortal.

"Nope, you can't do that, Zeusy. Smiting me is trying to kill me." Percy says triumphantly with the biggest Percy Jackson Troublemaking Smirk™. The other demigods all staring at him in disbelief. Does Percy have a death wish? Absolutely yes.

"I DID NOT GRANT YOUR REQUEST YOU IMPERTINENT DEMIGOD!" Zeus thunders, he's so mad, he's going to smite this puny mortal into dust and toss that dust into the smelliest stable he could find.

"But you have to. You said, quote 'In the name of the Council, we swear by the River Styx to grant your request as long as it is within our power.' It's completely in your power to grant me 100 requests and so is not killing me without my permission. You have to agree." Percy retorts, confident in what he was doing.

Athena is grudgingly impressed, she didn't know the sea-spawn had it in him to trick the entire council in doing whatever he wants.  
Meanwhile, Poseidon broke down. His son is- How do- What in- Zeus is getting his pod-

Zeus doesn't know what to do now. This stupid sea-spawn is right. "Fine! I will grant your request in the name of the council. But that doesn't mean I can't kill your friends!"

Ready to throw his lightning bolt, Zeus' plan is interrupted by Percy speedly saying. "IRequestThatTheGods/GoddessNeverTryToKillAnyoneIConsiderAFriendOrFamilyWithoutMyPermissionInAnyWayDirectlyOrIndirectly."

"I'm sorry, please repeat that, I don't speak speedster." Apollo jokes getting a glare from Artemis. Hermes just shakes his head and translates it for the rest of the slower Olympians.

Acting like it physically pains him, Zeus grants his request in the name of the Council. Needing no other prompt, Percy then goes on a roll. His requests going from reasonable to crazy.

"I request for Hades and Hestia to be added onto the Council. You can't ignore Hesita and you can't ban Hades" Hades actually likes this sea-spawn now despite messing with his ability to decide Percy's death.

"I request for Dionysus' punishment to be over and that you never ban wine from him again." Dionysus is slightly less mad at Peter Johnson. He's still an annoying brat though.

"I request for blue food to be the official food of Olympus." What?

"I request for Ares to fix his personality." "YOU LITTLE PUNK!" Ares yells. "I'm sorry, Perce, can I call you Perce? I don't think that's within our power." Apollo apollogises.

"I request for the music in elevator be changed by someone who has actual good taste in music." Cue sad ukulele music followed by the breaking of said ukulele.  
"I request that there'll be no more invincible flying pigs." Wait, what?

"I request that you claim all your children by the time they're 13 and make cabins for every god/goddess, not just Olympians."

"I request that you Olympians to get therapy. You really need it." Half of them couldn't argue with that, the others really tried but failed.

"I request that you give me a plate of blue food that never expires, is never empty and never gets cold."

"I request for it to actually be raining cats and dogs one day...make it this Saturday." Okay…

"I request that you tell me that answer for this question: Is water wet?" The gods have no idea how to respond to this.

"I request that Dionysus to stop calling me Peter Johnson." "Fine, Perry Jackalope." Dionysus answers. Percy...will actually take it. He can respect that. He would have done the same.

"I request that Zeus to allow us to remove the creepy statues in his cabin." "THEY'RE NOT CREEPY. THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL" Zeus yells but everyone else agrees with Percy so bye bye statues. Hera never liked them anyways.

"I request you to clear all the population in the wild, both land and sea."

"I request that Hera to stop being mean to her step-kids. You're the only one. Amphitrite is awesome and Persephone only turns Nico into a flower when he's grounded. It's not the kids' fault that they exist, go be mad at Zeus or something!"

"I request that you give the pegasus free donuts." "Is that even healthy?" Hermes asks Apollo, Athena and Posiedon. The gods shrug while Athena ignores them.

"I request that you allow the campers to prank you, the Olympians, on April Fool's Day."

"I request that my Mom be proclaimed the best mortal mom ever and be protected from any harm." Hera has one thought while listening to this request: At least, this demigod loves and respects his mom.

"I request that Aphrodite stop meddling in my love life." Said goddess pouts.

"I request that don't make your kids be exactly like you or force them to prove themselves. That's not right and they could be their own person if they want to." Cough "Ares" Cough

"Oh and get rid of the Aphrodite Cabin rule that they need to break someone's heart to be valid. You don't have to hurt yourself and others to be considered worthy. This most likely falls under the previous request but I just wanted to make sure that the rule is gone."

"I request that you make it so that we can use phones and other electronics. I want to play Super Smash Bros." "Same, Perce, Same." is heard from somewhere in the room. That prompts a whole lot of other kids calling out what games they'll pay.

"I request that Camp Half Blood gets WiFi. No further explanation needed."

"I request for a non-poisoned cheeseburger for myself and other food for everyone else. This is taking a while and I'm getting hungry."

Percy made request after request until he got to his final one. Both gods and demigods alike cry in relief at the fact that it'll finally be the end.

"I request...for 100 more requests."

Cue the screaming and crying from various tired gods. The demigods are just resigned to their fate.  
Percy only smirks as the cycle begins all over again. Serves them right.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. I honestly had no idea where I was going when I start writing this ****particular one-shot. It just happened. Anyways, I appreciate any reviews, suggestions or constructive criticism. I do take requests, if you want me to write about something in particular, serious or not. Hope y'all have a wonderful time!**


	3. Calypso Needs No Man

**Hey guys, gals and non-binary pals! I'm back, sorry for taking so long to update, I took a break for the holidays. Anyways, I'm going to go back on a regular schedule for now. This story wouldn't be possible without my amazhang friend, River. I only had to say one sentence and she was like: "Write it. I'll help." Anyways, enough talking, let's get onto the story. **

* * *

It's been a few weeks since the battle with Gaea and confessing to Percy. Right now, Nico is talking with Will or more like Will is talking and Nico is half listening. Both unaware of what's going to happen next.

Mischievous-fellow#1 signals to mischievous-fellow #2. It's time.

At once, the two mischievous fellows jump out of the bush they were in, shouting. "Boo!" That startles Nico, causing him to jump backwards into Will. Nico then shadow-travels away due to habit, accidentally taking Will with him.

They land in a heap on an unfamiliar beach. At least it wasn't China this time.

"NICO I SAID NO UNDERWORLDLY STUFF!" Will begins to shout before Nico slaps a hand over his mouth.

"Will, that was an accident and I have no idea where we are. I don't want to become a monster food so shout at me later!" Nico cuts him off.

Will grumbles but complies. They both walk inland in hopes of finding out where in the Hades they are.

Having left the beach, they find themselves in a large garden filled with blooming flowers. A woman was pulling weeds from a rosebush, muttering to herself.

"I can't be believe that idiotic boy promised me that. I'm NOT waiting for him. NOT AT ALL."

On that last part, she pulls a weed so hard that she nearly uproots the plants next to it.

"Hi there, we're lost. Can you tell us where we are?" Will calls out to her, a blinding smile on her way,

The woman was not charmed, if anything, Will's smile made her mad. "NOT ANOTHER ONE."

Catching sight of Nico, she frowns and yells at the sky. "AND NOW THERE'S TWO OF THEM. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? FALL IN LOVE WITH BOTH AND HAVE A THREESOME?!"

"Woah. First of all, I'm gay," Will responds, startled, with Nico cutting in with. "So am I." That part caused both guys to glance at each other then blush and look away. Will just moves on, not wanting to say or do anything he'll regret.

"Second, what makes you think that you'll have to...fall in love with us?"

The woman relaxed and answers in a much more friendly manner. "Sorry, it's just that I'm stuck on this island, destined to fall in love with every man that is wrecked here."

"Wait a second, I know you…" Nico says. "You're Calypso, both Leo and Percy has talked about you."

That turned out to be both the right and wrong thing to say. Calypso smiles then frowns a second later.

"And those are just two examples of the guys I fall in love with right before they leave."

"Well...I'm hungr-" Will interrupts Nico by elbowing him in the ribs. Nico gives Will a Nasty Nico Look™ which Will ignores and gives Calypso his Sunny Golden Boy Smile™.

"Well...we didn't wreak here. Nico accidentally shadow-traveled here."

Calypso just gets madder.

"And since we aren't straight, we can't fall in love with you.." Will continues until Nico elbows him and whispers. "You idiotic sun child, you're making it worse."

"Sorry I didn't mean it like tha-" Nico jabs at Will again and says. "Just stop, I'll do the talking."

Before Will could protest Nico started.

"Look, Percy is hot. We all have had a crush on him," Will looks at him wide-eyed. "But we don't need him. We don't need Leo. We don't need any of the other douchebag guys."

Will looks at him, offended, Nico just slaps his hand over Will's mouth to keep him from protesting. Calypso is starting to smile.

"We're strong independent woman-" Will says, muffled. "...you aren't a woman…"

Nico ignores him, but Calypso is laughing.

"You're a strong independent woman. You don't need no man. You don't need a guy to feel validated. You're amazing and if the guy can't see that, then he isn't worth it. You are too bada#$ to be moping around, waiting for some guy to save you. You can save yourself. You are Calypso and you take no s%*^ from no man!"

Nico is brought back into reality by Will licking his hand in an attempt to free himself. Glaring at Will, Nico wipes his hand on Will's sleeve. "That was gross, I thought doctors were more mature than that."

Will rolls his eyes as Calypso tries to stop laughing.

"Where did that come from?" Will asks. Nico just shrugs.

"Well, it did make me feel better." Calypso says, finally able to stop laughing. Nico blinks, "The licking part?"

Both Will and Calypso stare at Nico, trying to decide if he was being serious.

"No, it was obviously me pointing out that you aren't a woman." Will say sarcastically.

Blank stare. Then...Nico starts laughing. "Yeah, I know it was the rant." Will is stunned. "Y-y-you can laugh?"

Nico stops, then deadpans. "No."

Then he turns to Calypso. "I did mean every word. You are a strong independent woman, why should you waste on useless males?"

Will would be offended but the sight was too adorable.

"But-" Calypso starts before getting interrupted. "No buts, you are getting yourself off this island right now. Without any help from Percy, Leo or any male."

"But you're a ma-" Will tries to say but Nico silences him with a glare and a "Shut up Will."

With encouragement from Nico, Calypso makes herself a raft, collected needed food and supplies and then departs. Will and Nico wave to her from the beach as she sails out, determined to set herself free. And she is actually able to leave.

As soon as she was out of sight, Nico grabs Will on the shoulder and shadow-travels out without any warning. They end up appearing in the middle of the Hades table in the dining hall with dinner in full swing.

"Nico! Will! We were looking everywhere for you!" Percy calls out to them. "What were you doing? Was it PG?" Percy, the little s%^& was smirking at the end.

"I spent the day trash talking you and Leo with an ex-girlfriend of yours." Nico answers him casually.

"Wait what?!" This shout was so loud, it could be heard by people in Australia.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Olympus, some gods were watching the entire situation from their thrones, not sure what to make of it.

"I- I thou- I thought that Nico liked my awesome son, Will…" Apollo says dumbly.

"No! He likes Percy, none of your children can compare to mine." Poseidon retorts.

"Of course he likes Will, you $%*$%^!" Aphrodite shouts, clutching her pillow. "But don't ruin the moment, this was so cuuuuuuuuuuute!" She lets out a loud squeal at the end.

"That male would make a great huntress, his sister taught him well." Artemis says, sharpening her arrows.

Zeus booms. "WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU DOING?! WE CAN'T LET CALYPSO LEAVE! SOMEONE STOP HER!" That prompts Hera to put a hand on his shoulder and glare into the depths of his soul. "No. That death-spawn is right, a woman is free, she shouldn't need any man to free her, let alone let someone stop her."

All male gods gasp. Artemis nods in approval.

"But- but- you're the goddess of marriage, you can't do that. You're betraying what you stand for." Hermes replies in a shocked tone.

"Well...a girl can marry a girl…" Aphrodite helpfully adds in.

"ApHrOdItE nO!" Ares shouts. Apollo shrugs. "Fair enough."

Hades watches everyone, amused, chomping on popcorn and drinking tea that contains the tears of his foes. "I'm proud of you son." He whispers.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I have fun writing this especially since I was doing this with a friend. Will's reactions was 100% from River. Anyways, don't be too shy to give review, suggests or constructive criticism. Once again, I will take suggestions, if you want something to happen, it will. Hope you have an awesome day/night/what time it is for you!**


End file.
